The Monster

I was about 5 year-old old when I found my self in my parent’s bed without underwear. I remember when I woke up, I felt scared and cold, I didn’t know why I was naked, I was confuse, I would never sleep without my pigiamis. I screamed: MOM!, but she couldn’t hear me, so I put my underwear back on and I went to look for her. She wasn’t at home, only the moster, the clown was there, sitting on the sofa close to the fair. He ignored me and my body was like an eart-quick, none way to stop it to shake. Since that morning I became a sick child. I stop to be a child, everything was against to me, but this was my opinion. I never asked or said anything to my mom about what happened that morning because I knew that if I said something the balance of our family would be distroit. Long night I didn’t slept, I was scared of the moster come in my room, the monster was my (dad). He abuse of me that morning but I couldn’t say nothing until I became conscious of it,  because when you are a child you don’t know anything about sex. I kept my secret for 15 years. I became anorexic and then bulimic, the food was my drug, with it in my mind anything else was avoid,delete. I start psychology therapy but nothing worked, as soon I was out in my mind came food, anywhere I was I would eat and then through up, inside a trein, in public bathroom etc. It was disgusting! I didn’t want anybody to stay around me, I was too crazy! My grandmother spent all of her money to buy food for the house, I was the one that would eat everything in two days. I felt so guilty and disgusting but with a lot of food in my mouth I would never said the secret!

More then ones, my stomach almost exploded and I would die. My sickness became everybody sickness, my parent’s divorce and my sister couldn’t focus in school because I was dying. Until one day God came to me and he make me ask to my mother about that morning. She says that I was not crazy, it was not my mind, my memory were memory not imagination. She started to cry and kept telling me: «forgive me!» for ten minutes. She said;« I was to scared». I started to feel my heart beet in life again, I was becoming free. After that talk with my mom, my sister  and my mom’s sister exploded to, the monster abuse of them to. EVOILÀ! My battle to the way out was less hard and after 15 year of food and vomit being my drug  I can finally have friends, an husband and I can go to restaurants and school.